Everything was beautiful & Nothing hurt.

It’s appalling the way that God calls circumstances into your life.  And it forces me to be humbled by all the times that I have made mistakes and not taken into account that the reasoning behind them is more than I could know in the moment.  When was the last time you messed up? Have you figured out where it is being used in your life yet? You know what… it’s not even about you.  Have you figured out how it is being used in someone else’s life yet? Obviously God would rather us not fall away from Him; however, when we do, why do we question his control in the falling? 

I used to party pretty heavily.  And when I say “pretty heavily,” I mean I partied basically every night.  I went into every day with worthless goals and woke up every morning with little recollection of the night before.  There are several people that excuse that as being my “college years.”  But I beg to differ.  Yes, I was in college.  Yes, college kids tend to “party” a little harder.  However, I could have used my time in so many other prosperous ways.  Instead, I wasted them away on drugs, alcohol, and recklessness.  

For a long time, I fell back into old habits.  I deeply regretted the mistakes I made and generally passed over the grace I was granted as being generic.  Which- if you have lived a life in depression before- you realize only makes things cyclical.  But then, after a lot of prayer by people who love me more than I could have ever imagined, a few sermons about grace and forgiveness, and several lengthy, broken conversations with friends and God, I was able to recognize the beauty in my betrayal.  I did not make a typo in that last sentence.

There is an unbelievable amount of beauty in betrayal.  Because the thing is… if you see it, then that means you made it.  God didn’t say “I’ll only love you sometimes.”  He said “I’m absolutely convinced that nothing- nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable- absolutely nothing can get between us & God’s love.” (Romans 8:38 MSG) So basically- you might not have it all figured out.  Actually- I promise you don’t have it all figured out.  But the good news IS. God does. And even if it sucks soooo bad right now, He can handle it.  So stop trying to support yourself because you can’t.  And you look silly trying to.

There’s a story to tell because eventually you passed the paintbrush on to God & let him turn your portrait of betrayal into a masterpiece.  Go show the world His beautiful creation.